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English spelling gives almost every English learner a hard time. Why is it pronounced [’medsin], yet spelled ‘medicine’? Why should we write ‘their’ and ‘there’ but pronounce them both the same way? Why should one letter make such a big difference, as in ‘thorough’ and ‘through’?

Well, all English learners must be prepared for that. Spelling isn’t easy and most of the times foreign English learners should learn the spelling of certain words by heart. Here is a partial list:

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I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.  
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
If you lived in your car, you’d be home by now
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time.  
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
My karma ran over my dogma.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.  
Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.  
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else. 
Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

My interviewer eyes me up like a package of reduced meat,

the excess blood squishing beneath the plastic wrap.

“Maybe, Jacob, or can I just call you boy? Maybe boy, you’re

just a hypersensitive, groveling little wimp who’s out here to

make mommy happy. You think I don’t see it? Maybe your

precious little ethical dilemmas are there to hide your own

lack of cojones. What we big shots in the corporate world call

a waste of sperm. This is a tricky business, boy, and I sure

as hell don’t need you taking up my time while there’s money

to be made. You think I’d trust you to sell anything of mine?”

Good lord, if there were no such thing as selling, the man’s

vocal cords (and now I realize the testicles as well) would

shrivel up, become vestigial.

I do see what’s happening. He’s testing my limits, finding the

exact point at which I will abandon everything I claim to hold

dear. Hold out. Hold out. “But I maintained a 3.8 grade point

average at (but now instead of sounding romantically bluecollarish

as it always had before, it sounds like a cheap state

school; as I say it, it even sounds second rate to me, more

like a correctional facility than a university) Raritan State.

“Hah!” he laughs as he looks at my resume. “German and

English Literature? That’s practical. Jesus, why do they keep

sending me these people? Boy is too good for you. I’ll call you

faggot.” He knows he has me.

“But maybe I’m like this for a reason. Maybe I can fix

whatever’s wrong if I just follow you around and see

firsthand how you apply your American Business Creed. See

how it works. Maybe I can absorb just enough of your

greatness to effect my cleansing, no better, my rebirth.

Rebirth, get it? Phoenix Office Sys—ah, forget that literary

shit, that’s the old me. The new me says give me some tips

on the swagger. The new me wants to know how I can be just

like–

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Yet another beautiful short story, published in my favourite online magazine ‘Logos’.

The Tricky Business of Image Making
by
Matthew J. Perini

Tomorrow is another interview. Phoenix Office Systems.

Successful applicants will have blahblahblahblah,

whatever successful applicants will have.

“You’ll be fine, honey,” my mother says. Technically, she is

outside my bedroom but her head peeks in.

“You’re bright and energetic. Trust me, they’ll be banging

down the door for you.

Ah, if only my mother were the one to conduct the interview.

Or better yet, my sister Shirley, who is the one person in the

world who actually looks up to me. Then it would just be, “Of

course you can have the job, Jakey, as long as you tell me a

story.” Then this waste of time in brushing up on the

corporate profile and the hard, perpetual lump in my

throat—the lump that makes me wish I could swallow my

tongue and rub it into submission with the warm tip—then

both—the self-sycophantic corporate literature (or at least

my having to read it) and this awful lump would vanish and

reappear on someone else’s bed, in someone else’s throat. My mother and I exchange good-nights, leaving me to read

the words in the little black box for only the second time:

Account ExecutivesPosition requires real go-getters.

Great opportunity with dynamic and

growing company.Must be willing to travel, possibly relocate.Hard work, competitive atmosphere.Chance for big $$.Fax resume and cover letter to:B. Majkowski (113) 465-2232 (more…)

..Еее, да, съгласна съм - основното предназначение на езика е да служи за комуникация. В този смисъл, най-важното е да прескочим езиковата бариера и да проговорим, без да мислим дали правим грешки, колко са те и от какъв вид.

Милиони пъти съм чувала от учащи: “И защо трябва да уча 10 различни думи за “цел”, като те, хората, и с една ще ме разберат.” или “Ама хората наистина ли използват всички тези граматични времена? Дори в ежедневните си разговори ли?” Моите курсисти са прави до известна степен - наистина “хората” ще ги разберат, дори да работят с 2-3 граматични времена и да знаят само една дума за “цел”, стига въпросната цел да лежи някъде по пътя на най-малкото съпротивление.

Друго нещо си е богатството на езика. Чувството да бъдеш не само разбран, но и оценен и уважаван, е несравнимо. И всичко това, само защото си успял да изразиш мисълта си малко по-точно и цветисто. Малка цена за високо самочувствие, нали?

Освен това, хората не винаги ще ви разберат, независимо дали си помагате с езика на тялото, малки рисунчици или пантомима. Ето един пример, за който се твърди, че е реално съществуващ надпис на витрината на месарница в една англоговоряща страна:

“FRESH MEAT. THE BUTCHER KILLS HIMSELF TWICE WEEKLY.”

вместо правилното:

‘The butcher slaughters his stock twice weekly.”

Ако не успяхте да разберете примера, значи моментът е идеален да залегнете над учебниците. Този месар хората не го разбраха. 

3050 B.C. - A Sumerian invents the wheel. Within the week, the idea is stolen and duplicated by other Sumerians, thereby establishing the business ethic for all times.
2900 B.C. - Wondering why the Egyptians call that new thing a Sphinx becomes the first of the world’s Seven Great Wonders.
1850 B.C. - Britons proclaim Operation Stonehenge a success. They’ve finally gotten those boulders arrange in a sufficiently meaningless pattern to confuse the hell out of scientists for centuries.
1785 B.C. - The first calendar, composed of a year with 354 days, is introduced by Babylonian scientists.
1768 B.C. - Babylonians realize something is wrong when winter begins in June. (more…)